One of the most common questions I get asked is how to deal with a
spouse, relative or close friend who has a tendency to be negative.
Clearly in this situation you can’t simply walk away and spend all your
time with positive people.
A lot of people try to rectify this situation by saying things like, "I really wish you’d stop being so negative all the time!"
The problem with this approach is that criticism is a form of negative energy and you are therefore adding more negativity to the situation which usually makes things worse not better.
So what’s the answer?
The answer is to pour positive energy into their glass instead!
As you continue to pour positive energy into their glass their
negativity will slowly be diluted. Here are five ways to do this in the
real world:
(1) Share fun and enjoyable experiences together. It is hard for people to be negative when they are having fun.
(2) Don’t dwell on negative conversations. When your spouse, relative or friend starts being negative, redirect the conversation to a less contentious topic. An effective way to do this is by asking a qustion about a new topic.
(3) Be a positive example. Continue to enjoy your life even if you initially have to do it alone. As you enjoy yourself, continually invite your spouse, relative or friend to join in the fun.
(4) Coordinate an Escape. Often negativity comes from staying in a negative environment for too long. A great way to help your spouse, relative or friend is to assist them to escape that environment on a regular basis. This can be as simple as getting out of the house and going for a walk. A complete change of scene can often act as a pressure valve and help you reconnect.
(5) Identify and Replace negative routines. Review how you spend time with your spouse, relative or friend and identify negative routines such as complaining about your job every week at Friday night drinks. Once you’ve identified a negative routine, replace it with something different to break the pattern of negativity.
At the end of the day, we all have a tendency to be negative at times and what we need at those times is someone to help lift us up rather than criticise us for being negative. Therefore the most effective way to deal with negativity is to dilute it with positive experiences and positive energy.
Imagine for a moment that your spouse, relative or
friend is like a glass that is filled with a dark liquid which
represents their negativity.
The problem with this approach is that criticism is a form of negative energy and you are therefore adding more negativity to the situation which usually makes things worse not better.
The answer is to pour positive energy into their glass instead!
(1) Share fun and enjoyable experiences together. It is hard for people to be negative when they are having fun.
(2) Don’t dwell on negative conversations. When your spouse, relative or friend starts being negative, redirect the conversation to a less contentious topic. An effective way to do this is by asking a qustion about a new topic.
(3) Be a positive example. Continue to enjoy your life even if you initially have to do it alone. As you enjoy yourself, continually invite your spouse, relative or friend to join in the fun.
(4) Coordinate an Escape. Often negativity comes from staying in a negative environment for too long. A great way to help your spouse, relative or friend is to assist them to escape that environment on a regular basis. This can be as simple as getting out of the house and going for a walk. A complete change of scene can often act as a pressure valve and help you reconnect.
(5) Identify and Replace negative routines. Review how you spend time with your spouse, relative or friend and identify negative routines such as complaining about your job every week at Friday night drinks. Once you’ve identified a negative routine, replace it with something different to break the pattern of negativity.
At the end of the day, we all have a tendency to be negative at times and what we need at those times is someone to help lift us up rather than criticise us for being negative. Therefore the most effective way to deal with negativity is to dilute it with positive experiences and positive energy.
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