Asking people for what we want can sometimes be a difficult process
involving awkward discussions and potential conflict. However, it
doesn’t have to be that way.
The secret to getting what you want from other people is to develop a genuine sense of reciprocity by giving before you receive.
The secret to getting what you want from other people is to develop a genuine sense of reciprocity by giving before you receive.
The term ‘reciprocity’ describes the expectation that
people will respond to you in the same way that you respond to them. So
if you give another person something of value, they will be much more
inclined to give you something in return.
Next time you want something from someone, instead of
simply asking or demanding what you want, try using the following
Reciprocity Formula.
The Reciprocity Formula
Step 1: Analyse the situation from the
other person’s point of view and try to identify what they currently
want. If you can’t figure out what they want, the best thing to do is to
ask them.
Step 2: When you have identified the
main thing they want, present your case by saying something like, "If I
help you achieve… [what they want], could we discuss… [what you want].
Most reasonable people will be open to this approach because they are
receiving before they have to give.
Step 3: Follow through and help the
other person achieve their objective. The more time and effort you put
in during this step, the more reciprocity you will develop.
Step 4: When you have achieved the objective you agreed upon, revisit your initial discussion and ask for what you originally wanted.
Here’s an example that shows how the Reciprocity Formula works in the real world:
Sherry worked as a Sales Rep in a software company and
wanted to ask her boss for a raise. From previous experience, she knew
that simply asking for a raise was rarely effective so she decided to
apply the Reciprocity Formula.
Step 1: Sherry had lunch with her boss
and asked him what his major goal was for the quarter. He informed her
that what he really wanted was to sell 1000 copies of the companies new
accounting software before the end of the financial year.
Step 2: Sherry then presented her case
by saying, "If I can sell 1000 copies of the new accounting software by
June 30th, would you be open to discussing a raise?" Her boss said he’d
be happy to.
Step 3: Sherry got down to work and
devised a viral marketing campaign on the Internet. She worked extremely
hard and her boss could see that she was serious about achieving her
goal.
Step 4: Sherry achieved her sales goal
and arranged to have lunch with her boss again. In a three month time
frame, she’d added a great deal of value to the company and in doing so,
she’d also built up a genuine sense of reciprocity with her boss. Over
lunch, Sherry’s boss confirmed that he would be happy to give her a
raise.
Giving before you receive and developing a genuine
sense of reciprocity is one of the most effective ways to get what you
want from other people. So today, I’d like to encourage you to use the
Reciprocity Formula to develop true WIN-WIN agreements that will help
you achieve your most important life goals.
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