Just avoid this with your Boss

Bosses usually have a strong sense of recall (if your boss is the forgetful kind, then yoo-hoo! for you), so you better watch out what you say to them.

What you say today could land you in trouble in future if you’re not careful with your words. There is a reason they’re the boss and you are well, you. There are things better left unsaid. Like they say, if you don’t have anything positive or productive to say to your boss then shut up and eat your fries! (Or something like that).

For those of you who lack tact, we’ve compiled a list of what not to say to your boss. (We asked bosses, of course.)

1. “Do I really have to get this finished today?”

Yeah Sherlock, you do. D’uh. You’re being paid to get it finished, aren’t you? Or were you sucked in by some sort of a tornado of misinformation – one that made you believe that it’s the water cooler conversation that’s getting you the top reviews? Apart from managing their own life, your boss has the added responsibility to manage you and other members in your team – don’t add to their burden by being noncommittal. Do your job before you log off. Hey, that rhymes. Sweet. Now get back to work.

2. “Give me a better desk now or I quit!”

And I wanna sing along the streets of Venice. How do you expect ultimatums to work out with someone higher up in the power structure? Throwing tantrums never helped anyone; even a 4-year-old will vouch for that (after they’ve grown up). Take the mature road and understand that an open dialog always works.

3. “Umm… isn’t it my turn for a promotion yet?”

Oh hell yeah! Why not just go for gold and become the CEO instead? Why bother vying that VP or SVP position? You’re obviously flowing with the self-entitlement needed to embarrass yourself. Well, here’s the thing, those guys probably worked their tails off, took risks, and braved many obstacles instead of sitting in a corner and sulking about their ill fate. If you want to be taken seriously at work and not treated like a 9-year-old, quit whining and get productive.

4. “That’s not my problem.”

Ahem, but your boss says it is. So, you don’t have much choice now, do you? The responsibility to rectify the problem fell into your lap. Stop wasting precious time throwing silly questions around and take the opportunity to be a part of the solution. Your boss wouldn’t have approached you if you weren’t capable of handling it. So, buckle up and get it done.

5. “Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”

Playing a damsel in distress will gain you no sympathy from your boss. You have been selected for your position for a reason, you know. If the boss has to instruct and direct every assignment then the boss may as well do the job. Based on intensive third-party research and in-house surveys (which we also like to call ‘common sense’) — being proactive and far-sighted hasn’t killed anyone yet.

6. “That’s the best I can do!”

If everyone is just to keep repeatedly mouthing these words, why don’t we all throw our hands up in the air, buy tickets to Tahiti and forget about even trying to do great work? Instead of taking the defeatist way, how about you look at your work and see how you can improve it — make it better in whichever way you can? Adopt the problem-solver approach, become a valuable asset to your company and maybe you’ll actually start enjoying the challenges that you’re currently bogged down by.

7. “Why can’t you have XYZ get this done instead?”

And while they are at it, can they can start on my other unfinished assignments too please? Well, go ahead and take the week off, or maybe a month, why even better, just stop showing up for work altogether! XYZ can take care of everything, thank you. Nobody likes themselves a lazy employee who can’t even run to the cafeteria to get their own chocolate donut. If your current work doesn’t motivate you, do everyone a big favor — find out what you enjoy doing, drop what you’re doing, and get started with the former instead. Not too hard now, is that?

8. “It’s 6 PM and I am leaving.”

Only sitting ducks count hours. Unless you’re Paris Hilton’s third cousin’s cocktail friend — the social life can wait. The idiot box and your fluffy couch won’t be going anywhere anytime soon either. Every organization faces a crunch situation from time to time, the leadership expects all hands on deck during such times. If you’re going to be a little, riddled-with-homework-kid about it — well, buy a cotton candy and go home really. Nothing much to be done here.

9. “That’s what she said!”

Innuendos are a strict no-no at work. Just because it sent you running on a laughathon when Steve Carell and team said it in The Office doesn’t mean it’s okay to replicate it at your workplace. You may not only get a cold stare from your boss, but you will also be at risk of being sent to a ‘well wisher’. Nobody fancies themselves a branded ‘office perv’ (at least most normal people certainly don’t). So hold your tongue in front of your boss (not literally though — that would be just weird as hell) and leave the off-color jokes for your obnoxious drink buddies.

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How To Get What You Want

Asking people for what we want can sometimes be a difficult process involving awkward discussions and potential conflict. However, it doesn’t have to be that way.

The secret to getting what you want from other people is to develop a genuine sense of reciprocity by giving before you receive.

The term ‘reciprocity’ describes the expectation that people will respond to you in the same way that you respond to them. So if you give another person something of value, they will be much more inclined to give you something in return.

Next time you want something from someone, instead of simply asking or demanding what you want, try using the following Reciprocity Formula.

The Reciprocity Formula

Step 1: Analyse the situation from the other person’s point of view and try to identify what they currently want. If you can’t figure out what they want, the best thing to do is to ask them.

Step 2: When you have identified the main thing they want, present your case by saying something like, "If I help you achieve… [what they want], could we discuss… [what you want]. Most reasonable people will be open to this approach because they are receiving before they have to give.

Step 3: Follow through and help the other person achieve their objective. The more time and effort you put in during this step, the more reciprocity you will develop.

Step 4: When you have achieved the objective you agreed upon, revisit your initial discussion and ask for what you originally wanted.

Here’s an example that shows how the Reciprocity Formula works in the real world:

Sherry worked as a Sales Rep in a software company and wanted to ask her boss for a raise. From previous experience, she knew that simply asking for a raise was rarely effective so she decided to apply the Reciprocity Formula.

Step 1: Sherry had lunch with her boss and asked him what his major goal was for the quarter. He informed her that what he really wanted was to sell 1000 copies of the companies new accounting software before the end of the financial year.

Step 2: Sherry then presented her case by saying, "If I can sell 1000 copies of the new accounting software by June 30th, would you be open to discussing a raise?" Her boss said he’d be happy to.

Step 3: Sherry got down to work and devised a viral marketing campaign on the Internet. She worked extremely hard and her boss could see that she was serious about achieving her goal.

Step 4: Sherry achieved her sales goal and arranged to have lunch with her boss again. In a three month time frame, she’d added a great deal of value to the company and in doing so, she’d also built up a genuine sense of reciprocity with her boss. Over lunch, Sherry’s boss confirmed that he would be happy to give her a raise.

Giving before you receive and developing a genuine sense of reciprocity is one of the most effective ways to get what you want from other people. So today, I’d like to encourage you to use the Reciprocity Formula to develop true WIN-WIN agreements that will help you achieve your most important life goals.

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Business proposal for Student,Private Employee,House wife,CA,Advocate, Business men and other

It gives me immense pleasure, to invite you to join hands with India first life insurance co Ltd.one of the India`s most traded joint venture Bank Of baroda,Andhra Bank and legal & General,as our Financial Advisor.

At India First Life Insurance co,we believe that our Financial Advisor are our ambassadors to the customer and are a key source of business for the organization thus being the spine of the company.your association with India first life insurance may help us in shaping our future business.

Here are some of the benefit of being a Financial Advisor:

 Unlimited earning potential.
 A clear career path.
 All round support through advertising , your own in- house consultant, and world cl-ass training.
 A comprehensive benefit package.

There are various exciting opportunities to earn and company ensure proper recognition of Financial Advisor for their performance.India first life insurance co provides number of contest which can bestow you with gift like foreign trips, video cameras, and money more.

I would really like to have a personal session with you thus discussion in detail the proposal along with the commission structure.
Looking forward for an early and positive response from your side.
Eligibility:

12th standard pass
Age 18 and above
Can I Become An Agent?

You certainly can if -

* You are outgoing and like meeting people
* You are ambitious to own a business
* You only want your clients to be your bosses
* And you want to decide your working hours

Unlimited earning potential; A clear career path; all round support through exclusive advertising, your own in-house consultant, and world-class training:

* A comprehensive benefit package
* Training
* Careers
* Rewards & Recognition

They are a key source of business for the organization, and are the continuing link with our clients. That is why; we take a lot of care in recruiting and developing our agency force, so that we continue to set higher standards of quality in service and salesmanship. To cater to the needs of the knowledge-oriented marketplace, we look for graduates who are service-oriented, good communicators and enjoy meeting new people. Prior sales experience is an added benefit.

Some Of The Qualities We seek Are:

* Self-motivation
* A master communicator
* A go-getter
* A graduate


Come on Join in With me @ India First..

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Learn Lessons from Bad Boss

Poor leaders to be sound teachers

Macho, insensitive bosses share certain characteristics. Their behavior is arrogant, quick-tempered and controlling. Their motives are typically selfish and manipulative. They show little concern for others and few signs of understanding why others don’t trust them. Most of all, they are quite unaware of their failings and the impact they have on their subordinates. No only do they see no need to change, they often make their high-handed behavior a source of pride.

That’s why you can trust them to be some of your best teachers about productivity and success.

Before you decide that I’ve lost my mind, I’ll explain.

Most human beings are amazingly consistent in the way they behave. That’s why we can say of some action, “That isn’t like you,” or “It’s so out of character.” Without that consistency, such a remark would be pointless. And amongst the most consistent groups of all are those who spend least time in any kind of introspection: the extreme extroverts, the loud, slap-you-on-the-back hearty types, the arrogant, the pompous, the selfish and the self-centered — the people who, if they become bosses, are most likely to prove to be bad ones.
Powerful lessons from powerful (and hopelessly unaware) people

Bad bosses can become useful teachers precisely because their behavior tends to be so consistently bad. You can be fairly sure of their motives and intentions, which allows you to compare cause (what they did and probably why they did it) with effect (how it turned out).

The pompous boss, convinced of her superiority and the rightness of whatever she does; the lazy boss, sure that status confers the right to live off other people’s efforts; the rigid, controlling boss, firm in his belief that all subordinates are incompetent without his oversight; all of these (and many more) hold to their actions so tenaciously — and are so blind to what they are doing — that they will provide some of the best lessons in what not to do that you will ever be offered.

Here are seven of the lessons you might come across, beginning with productivity:

* See how much effort bad bosses have to use to make things happen their way; effort that would be unnecessary if they behaved better — all that time spent micro-managing and checking; all the ranting and raving to reduce others to obedience; all the lies and stratagems needed to manipulate others instead of asking them openly.
* See how others react to them; how people become adept at sabotaging their efforts and undermining their success. Even when they dare not oppose the boss openly, subordinates will show great ingenuity in finding other ways to frustrate them.
* Look at the effect bad bosses have on trust — how this type of behavior ruins relationships with customers as well as employees. Once discovered, as it always is in the end, cynical manipulation renders future trust impossible too.
* What about the impact on motivation? Consider how you feel if you find yourself going along with the boss’s bad behavior. Do you feel motivated or depressed? Does it make you want to exert yourself or limit your output to no more than is needed to preserve your safety and career prospects?
* Rigidity next. Most macho bosses see changing a poor decision as an unacceptable sign of weakness. How many times have you seen a bad leader produce disaster from what could have been a triumph, simply because he or she refused to admit to — and change — a bad decision?
* Take some time to consider what survival in the lifestyle of a bad boss demands. Is that how you would be willing to live? Are the rewards they get worth what they have to do to get them?
* Most important, observe the way bad bosses are regarded by those above them. Are they genuinely fooling the top dogs about their weaknesses? Or are those executives simply playing the same game — but far better — manipulating middle and junior managers to enhance their own positions, then throwing them to the wolves when they become too much of an embarrassment?

I’m sure you can think of many more situations where a bad boss has taught you a valuable lesson. Observing and learning from others’ mistakes is as important as learning from your own — and a good deal less painful.

Besides, the macho tough guys can never admit to being wrong. They can’t learn from their own mistakes. Since you can, it’s an advantage you can use for all it’s worth.

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Understanding Myself

What do i actually want has become the biggest question of my life which
I am facing these days.

"samajh samajh kai jo naa samjhe meri samajh mai wo nasamajh hai"

I am proving the phrase by doing the same mistake again & again & again.

People come & go after leaving their strong impression in life.
Attachment happens easily but detachment.. uff! It is the real scary thing
i always fear of.

Missing some one & holding onto the memories for so long is quite obvious.
You get habitual of talking to some1, seeing them, meeting them or going out
with them and one day you make an decision to separate..

But its not as simple as that.

But as they say time heals everything and everything happens for the reason.
I am hoping to get out of my old memories (all bad ones) and focus on myself now.

But hey wait.. this is what i am not clear about in this present state of mind.

I am having so much of expectations from myself only and I am the only one who
is not able to fulfill any.

I guess i need to understand myself by trying different things.
God knows where i will stick now and get addicted again..

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Passive Aggressive

I know a couple people like this (and if you are reading this,
it's not you). It is my hot button. When someone behaves like this,
I just want to choke the life out of them.
Instead of going to jail, I choose not to be around people like this. :-)

Passive Aggressive (adj.) Of, relating to, or having a personality disorder
characterized by habitual passive resistance to demands for adequate
performance in occupational or social situations,
as by procrastination, stubbornness, sullenness, and inefficiency.

Covert (adj.) Not openly shown, engaged in,
or avowed : VEILED
Passive Aggressive Behavior Defined:

Passive Aggressive behavior is a form of covert abuse1.
When someone hits you or yells at you, you know that you've been abused.
It is obvious and easily identified. Covert abuse is subtle and
veiled or disguised by actions that appear to be normal,
at times loving and caring.
The passive aggressive person is a master at covert abuse.

Passive aggressive behavior stems from an inability to express anger
in a healthy way. A person's feelings may be so repressed that they
don't even realize they are angry or feeling resentment.
A passive aggressive can drive people around him/her crazy
and seem sincerely dismayed when confronted with their behavior.
Due to their own lack of insight into their feelings the
passive aggressive often feels that others misunderstand them or,
are holding them to unreasonable standards if they are confronted
about their behavior.

Common Passive Aggressive Behaviors:

* Ambiguity: I think of the proverb, "Actions speak louder than words"
when it comes to the passive aggressive and how ambiguous they can be.
They rarely mean what they say or say what they mean.
The best judge of how a passive aggressive feels about an issue is how they act.
Normally they don't act until after they've caused some kind of stress by
their ambiguous way of communicating.

* Forgetfulness: The passive aggressive avoids responsibility by "forgetting."
How convenient is that? There is no easier way to punish someone than forgetting
that lunch date or your birthday or, better yet, an anniversary.

* Blaming: They are never responsible for their actions.
If you aren't to blame then it is something that happened at work,
the traffic on the way home or the slow clerk at the convenience store.
The passive aggressive has no faults, it is everyone around him/her who has
faults and they must be punished for those faults.

* Lack of Anger: He/she may never express anger. There are some who are
happy with whatever you want. On the outside anyway! The passive aggressive
may have been taught, as a child, that anger is unacceptable.
Hence they go through life stuffing their anger, being accommodating and
then sticking it to you in an under-handed way.

* Fear of Dependency: From Scott Wetlzer, author of Living With The
Passive Aggressive Man. "Unsure of his autonomy and afraid of being alone,
he fights his dependency needs, usually by trying to control you.
He wants you to think he doesn't depend on you,
but he binds himself closer than he cares to admit.
Relationships can become battle grounds, where he can only claim victory
if he denies his need for your support."

* Fear of Intimacy: The passive aggressive often can't trust.
Because of this, they guard themselves against becoming intimately attached
to someone. A passive aggressive will have sex with you but they rarely make
love to you. If they feel themselves becoming attached, they may punish you
by withholding sex.

* Obstructionism: Do you want something from your passive aggressive spouse?
If so, get ready to wait for it or maybe even never get it.
It is important to him/her that you don,t get your way.
He/she will act as if giving you what you want is important to them but,
rarely will he/she follow through with giving it.
It is very confusing to have someone appear to want to give to you but
never follow through. You can begin to feel as if you are asking too much
which is exactly what he/she wants to you to feel.

* Victimization: The passive aggressive feels they are treated unfairly.
If you get upset because he or she is constantly late, they take offense because;
in their mind, it was someone else's fault that they were late.
He/she is always the innocent victim of your unreasonable expectations,
an over-bearing boss or that slow clerk at the convenience store.

* Procrastination: The passive aggressive person believes that deadlines are
for everyone but them. They do things on their own time schedule and be damned
anyone who expects differently from them.


The Passive Aggressive and You:

The passive aggressive needs to have a relationship with someone who can be
the object of his or her hostility. They need someone whose expectations and
demands he/she can resist. A passive aggressive is usually attracted to
co-dependents, people with low self-esteem and those who find it easy to make
excuses for other's bad behaviors.

The biggest frustration in being with a passive aggressive is that they
never follow through on agreements and promises. He/she will dodge responsibility
for anything in the relationship while at the same time making it look as
if he/she is pulling his/her own weight and is a very loving partner.
The sad thing is, you can be made to believe that you are loved and adored by
a person who is completely unable to form an emotional connection with anyone.

The passive aggressive ignores problems in the relationship, sees things
through their own skewed sense of reality and if forced to deal with the
problems will completely withdraw from the relationship and you.
They will deny evidence of wrong doing, distort what you know to be real to
fit their own agenda, minimize or lie so that their version of what is real
seems more logical.

The passive aggressive will say one thing, do another, and then deny ever saying the first thing. They don't communicate their needs and wishes in a clear manner, expecting their spouse to read their mind and meet their needs. After all, if their spouse truly loved them he/she would just naturally know what they needed or wanted. The passive aggressive withholds information about how he/she feels, their ego is fragile and can't take the slightest criticism so why let you know what they are thinking or feeling? God forbid they disclose that information and you criticize them.

Confronting the Passive Aggressive:

Beware, if you confront the passive aggressive he/she will most likely sulk, give you the silent treatment or completely walk away leaving you standing there to deal with the problem alone. There are two reasons for confronting the passive aggressive. One, if done correctly you may be able to help him/her gain insight into the negative consequences of their behaviors. Two, even if that doesn't happen, it will at least give you the opportunity to talk to him/her in a frank way about how his/her behavior affects you. If nothing else you can get a few things "off your chest." Below are some ways you might approach your passive aggressive:

* Make your feelings the subject of the conversation and not his/her
bad behaviors.

* Don't attack his/her character.

* Make sure you have privacy.

* Confront him/her about one behavior at a time,
don't bring up everything at once.

* If he/she needs to retreat from the conversation allow them to do
it with dignity.

* Have a time limit, confrontation should not stretch on indefinitely.

* If he/she tries to turn the table on you, do not defend your need
to have an adult conversation about your feelings.

* Be sure he/she understands that you care about what happens to them,
that you love them and that you are not trying to control them.
You are only trying to get to the bottom of your disagreements
and make the relationship better.


Inside the Passive Aggressive:

The passive aggressive has a real desire to connect with you emotionally
but their fear of such a connection causes them to be obstructive and
engage in self-destructive habits.
He/she will be covert in their actions and it will only move him/her further
from his/her desired relationship with you.

The passive aggressive never looks internally and examines their role in a
relationship problem. They have to externalize it and blame others for
having shortcomings. To accept that he/she has flaws would be tantamount to
emotional self-destruction. They live in denial of their self-destructive
behaviors, the consequences of those behaviors and the choices they make
that cause others so much pain.

The passive aggressive objectifies the object of their desire. You are to be
used as a means to an end. Your only value is to feed his/her own emotional needs.

You are not seen as a person with feelings and needs but as an extension of
him/her. They care for you the way they care for a favorite chair.
You are there for their comfort and pleasure and are of use as long as you
fill their needs.

The passive aggressive wants the attention and attachment that comes
with loving someone but fears losing his/her independence and sense of self
to his/her spouse. They want love and attention but avoid it out of fear
of it destroying them. You have to be kept at arms length and if there is
an emotional attachment it is tenuous at best.

The only hope for change in the way they deal with relationship issues
is if they are able to acknowledge their shortcomings and contributions
to the marital problems. Facing childhood wounds, looking internally
instead of externally to find the cause of problems in their life will
help them form deeper emotional attachments with a higher sense of emotional
safety.

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hAPPY nEW yEAR

New look of my blog in this new year!

Now, I m more active in this new "facebook" thing then "orkut".
Actually in this new year so many new thgs will be going to happen wid me as u all must b aware that "8" is the only number which ends up when we write.

So Headds up ! but slowly not in hurry coz so many people are in so much hurry !

I remember that guy in a silver Swift behind my cab who is honking is in a hurry to get to his office
( Yaar overtake karte hue gaali kyun deta hai ? Accha hindi ki gaali to mat de ) .

Students are in a hurry to read their chapters before they face the exams .
My boss is in a hurry to get that report .That waiter at McDonalds is in a hurry to serve table number 4.
People sitting at table number 4 are in a hurry to eat what comes to the table.
People at the boarding gate are in a hurry to get onto the plane .
When it lands , they are in a hurry to get out of it. Everybody is in a hurry to get somewhere .
Very Few people want to stay in the moment they are in.
Now I don't know . Maybe these guys know where they want to get to.
They see where they need to get to and they want to get there fast .
You see , driven , focussed people. Achievers .
Desh ko aage badane wale log. (People you see shaking hands with white people on NDTV Profit .)
Maybe I am just a slow guy who likes to listen to music and type down words which interest nobody while the world around me reaches for the stars .
You see , I don't have a problem with the 'wanting to achieve things' thing .
Even I want to achieve things , even if they are a vegetable burger with cheese , and a TV remote , and someone who shares all that with me .
But what I don't understand is that why hurry ? Jaldi kya hai . Kidhar jaana hai ?
I mean , life is not in the future . Life is now . This moment .I mean , it's like..
When I was in school , people told me happiness is after clearing board exams. We know that , kid .
When I cleared , they told me happiness was getting into a engineering college. ( Note kiya , kitni intelligent hoon main ?)
When I got that , they told me that happiness is definitely getting into MBA. Pakka . Sachi . Muchi. Confirmed. ( Note kiya , kitni intelligent hoon main ?)
When I did that , happiness was defined completing it and earning a handsome salary. Arre 100% happiness yehi hai .
USA mein researchers bhee yehi kehte hai.... lolz!
Now When I have done that , happiness is ? Hello ! What is it nowwww ? Bol do kaka . Kidhar jaana hai ab ?
So ladiesh and gentlemans ,
now that the world has been telling me what to do , this is what I have learnt - all the above stuff is important ,
but happiness is something they dont need to tell you about . It is something you feel . And only you decide what makes you happy .
When others don't know where you want to be , how can they tell you how to get there ?
Like , for me , happiness is..
On a lazy Sunday , I watch a Shahrukh flick on TV , eat a full lunch , and watch another Shahrukh movie.
When ma asks me to take a bath and I put my arm around her shoulders and say "Chill , ma.Do dinn hee to hue hai."
When I say stupid things to someone who would not think "Huh? Isko problem kya hai?."
Sitting in my balcony on a December morning and eat an orange and squeeze the orange peel in the left eye of my brother. Right eye mein bhee .
Talking to someone who understands me , and accepts me even when I am all boring .
Playing cards with Dada , and beating him at it too . ( We dont do that anymore , he is tired of
losing)
Caring for someone I want to care for.
Meeting a bunch of friends over a couple of huge pizzas and crack pathetic jokes about our college professors and why worst girls get the best guys.
Happiness is just , being me .
So you see , what makes me happy is stuff I have not achieved , but stuff , which , I already have , had all the way along .

So I know I need to achieve things , but hey , there is no hurry .Because I need to achieve things to survive , but to be happy , not much is needed .
Some music and a vegetable burger , with cheese , will do just fine for now.

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