Kanyadaan - Mahadaan

We talk about women advancing in their careers and lot more other things. But it is sad to see that there is actually no advancement in the thoughts of the people. It’s time for us to change and advance our traditions a bit. Girl should no longer be treated as paraya dhan, there should not be dowry system at all, the girl’s parents should not feel bad about staying with their daughter after she gets married. Why should an educated girl stay at home “to look after the family” against her wishes? Is it only her family? Is it only her responsibility? Even the working women are expected to come home from office, do the house-hold work, take care of the children’s studies, and lots more. The men supposedly come home tired from work. What about the women? Aren’t they human too? They too have their space.

 If we consider all these factors and try to balance them a bit then society can be much better. Girls are never burden on the parents. She is equally important as a son.

 I have learnt in my history classes that in ancient India, women had a position of great respect, importance, and admiration. How did this erode over the period of time? Why do the people still have the ingrained attitude that believes in the worthlessness of a girl? Why do people feel that a girl is a curse on the family? Why are people who are avid followers of Maa Durga or Vaishnav Devi pained at the birth of a girl in the family?  If a girl is educated and is earning as much as boy is, in what way is she less appealing than the guy?

I feel a guy should always understand and respect their wife and their parents. He should also take care of her family like she does for him and his family then only harmony can be created in their married life for forever. In marriage equality is a key rule always.

Kanyadaan is often dubbed as Mahadaan (donation of the highest order). It is one of those irrefutable rituals the father of the bride is entrusted with the 'sacred responsibility' of performing kanyadaan to his son-in law as one of the greatest daans during the wedding ceremony where they give their most treasured possession to him for lifetime.

BUT Daughters are not voiceless cows that they should be gifted away to anyone. Guy should understand their duties and responsibilities of taking this Mahadaan and must feel obliged to receive this sort of unconditional love which he will be getting for his life. A Guy must be thankful to God, her wife, her parents and his parents for everything they recieve from them in marriage.

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Love has passion in it

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Love and Respect your Wife

There is no one-size-fits-all formula for being a wonderful husband. Every wife and every marriage is different. But there are some common issues that many married couples face, and if you're dealing with them, the following guidelines will help you become a better husband.

Steps

Be Honest

1. 1
   Be honest. In a mature relationship, honesty is the best policy. It may be difficult, but the truth will allow relationships to breathe. No matter what happens, no one can ever challenge the fact that you are truthful, which might mean that the other person also gives you the same respect. If something doesn't suit them let them know, otherwise they will not trust your opinion. But make it sound like a compliment.
   • Suggest an alternative, and attach praise to the alternative. For example, if they ask you if you like something they are trying on (trying on, not already wearing at a party!) let them know that it might work, but you think the blue one is your favourite so far because it shows off their great (insert a feature you appreciate, preferably not one that they are self-conscious about).
   • It's not going to be easy to be honest and kind at the same time, so focus on learning how to give a feedback sandwich and you'll both be better off.
     
     

     
     

Communicate

1. 1
   Communicate. Do not talk her ear off, however make sure that if you have any problems that will affect your mood, she is made aware of the reasons for your problems and mood, so that you do not appear to merely be a fickle and cranky creature. Zone out everything around you when you're talking to her. If you ask her a question, ask because you really want to know. For example, ask her what type of movies she enjoys, or about one of her favourites.
   • If you know it, talk about it a little bit in an honest way, what you thought of it, and make a guess at why she might have liked it. Even if you are wrong, your mate will usually love the fact that you are interested enough to try. Remember, the opposite of talking is not waiting, it's listening.
   • Make sure you're actually listening, not just waiting for your turn to talk. Put off a vibe that tells her that she can tell you anything. Make her feel safe.
     
     

     
     
2. 2
   Don't brush your wife off. People often find it exasperating when they get the feeling their partner treats them as an inferior in a relationship. Women are no exception. A lot of people have been taught that the only way to get attention when their partner is trying to ignore them is to act more emotional and be louder until the partner finally surrenders and pays attention to her, even if in annoyance.
   • If people feel they're being given the cold treatment by people who are supposed to be important to them, they get worried. Especially when it happens without you giving an explanation for why this disturbance has occurred. People aren't mind readers. Your mate is not likely to be able to guess that you're cranky just because they wouldn't let you do something that they felt was very trivial, whereas you found it important.
   • If you know that your mood might lead you to overreact, simply say "I'm feeling really irritated right now. Can we talk about this later after I cool off a bit?" (Don't forget to follow through and actually give her your time later.)
     
     

     
     

Respect Her

1. 1
   Don't show her even the mildest forms of contempt. Contempt is poison in a relationship. You don't have to act like you like what she said or did, but do not take on an attitude of superiority, even subtly in passing, such as momentary smirking, sighs of disgust or eye-rolling. Such gestures, though seemingly insignificant, deeply show a lack of support, respect and trust, especially over a period of time.
   • The way you naturally act towards her should subtly validate her as a person, even when you do not understand or agree with her. Giving eye contact when she has something important to tell you shows respect; not giving eye contact shows disrespect and that you don't care about her or what she has to say. This will destroy any attempt to communicate well.
   • If you show contempt in front of your child(ren) they will then feel that is an appropriate way to treat their mother. A son may feel he can treat his wife with contempt if he witnessed you treat your wife that way.
     
     

     
     

Be Romantic

1. 1
   Be romantic. What "being romantic" means varies widely from person to person, but at its core, romance involves doing something to express affection in a meaningful yet unexpected way. A true act of romance requires creativity and sincerity, often inspired by love (either its presence or its possibility).
   Reintroduce the excitement that characterized the beginning of the relationship. Do something different, something that your wife wouldn't expect. The more out of the ordinary, the better!
   
   

   
   
   • Treat your wife like they're single, like you're trying to earn her affection and trust. The opposite of being romanced is being taken for granted. No one wants to feel like they've already been "caught" and it's over and done with.
   • There are millions of ways to say "I love you" and "I'm lucky to have you." Think of the world as your medium. You can write it, say it, sculpt it, look it, hide it, shout it, paint it, kiss it, fold it, grow it, touch it, and express it in unlimited ways.
2. 2
   Keep your sex life invigorated. Kiss her goodbye in the morning like you don't want her to leave. It gives her something to think about all day. Be romantic. Suggest new ideas. Ask what she likes. Be willing to put her pleasure ahead of yours. Talk about it. Intimacy (emotional and physical closeness) is important to women.
   
   

   
   
3. 3
   Give gifts as a surprise. Anyone can buy a gift for a birthday, Christmas or an anniversary. Listen to her when you are out window shopping, and if there is something she likes, and it's within your price range, remember it and surprise her with it when she least expects it, for no reason at all. Or pick something up on your way home from work, and tell her you were thinking of her when you saw it. It doesn't have to be big or expensive - a book you know she will like, or a CD of her favourite band are nice gestures.
   
   

   
   
4. 4
   Give what she needs. Ask her for what she needs to feel loved by you. If she needs you to give her compliments, learn to master the art of compliments. If she needs to you to come home on time, be on time. If you know that you are going to be late coming home, call her and let her know. If she needs you to help children with homework, spend time with the family instead of going out with your friend, or spend a quality time with her, give it to her. Being married is being of service. You give your wife because you love her. True giving is to give what the other person needs.
   
   

   
   

Always Be Available

1. 1
   Take care of her. Your wife may feel overwhelmed with kids and work. Don't hesitate to cook her favorite food or make her favorite drink. Help with the kids and help around the house (like doing dishes). Wives aren't superwomen as much as you'd like them to be.
   
   

   
   
2. 2
   Be her greatest supporter. Be someone she knows that she can always count on. Be there for her when she has had a long day. Listen to her with attentive eyes and ears. Back her up 100 percent! And always protect her, both physically and emotionally. If you have done something to hurt her, even if you didn't mean to, tell her you are sorry and show her affection. This must be sincere! There's nothing worse than an "I'm sorry" that is put on or phony.
3. 3
   Understand that your personal relationship should be more important to you than your other family members, work, friends, etc. She is your partner in all things. Treat her as such. If you're worried about looking independent in front of them, then talk with your wife and set clear expectations about what decisions you can make without each other, and what decisions must absolutely be discussed. But also, ask yourself why you feel you should look independent instead of married. It may not be hard to say "Let me talk this over with my other half."
4. 4
   Do your part. Don't make her ask you to pull your own weight around the house. This makes her feel like a nag, and it creates an adult/child relationship. Which is never good. She is your partner not your mother. Show her she can count on you to get things handled.

Be Responsible

1. 1
   Seek responsibility and take responsibility for your actions. The main difference between a man and a boy, and adult and a child, is that men are responsible. Men honor their commitments, accept their duties and are accountable for damages they incur, debts they owe and claims they make. Men clean up after themselves (figuratively and literally). Men know that anyone can father a baby but only a man who understands and accepts responsibility can be a good father. Men refuse to make anyone do anything they themselves are unwilling to do. Sometimes men make sacrifices for the people they love and care about. That's life. It's part of growing up, whether you like it or not. The difference between a man and a boy is that a man steps up to the plate, while a boy hesitates or complains.

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Be Happy.. Be Yourself..

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Companions for life : Marriage Bond

God created gaps between fingers so that life partner comes and fills that gap by holding your hand forever. One should complement the other and Each partner must take the responsibility for building the relationship. Understanding plays the vital role in improving compatability. Also, It must be remembered, however, that there can be no authentic or enduring love without constant effort and readiness for sacrifice by both partners. The love, care and support makes it easy to adjust in. And when the marriage is successful and couple are happy together then they can bring the surprising rewards of staying together.

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Married life begins.. !!

In childhood, Schools teach you maths, physics, bio, chem, english, hindi, geo, history and the rest of the pothas, but why don't they teach you "giving"?

Being useful to others is the most important subject to teach & learn..
It is very much required in life and marriage demands it more.

Also, losing your temper is foolish and ignoring your insult is SMART.
Never underestimate yourself and value your individuality.

Will share more such lessons when i`ll experience more :O

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life turning 180 degrees straight

Life is delivering new challenges full of excitement on my way these days. NO matter how much I want to hold onto old but its slipping away from my hands day by day as newness is entering in full speed from all the different directions. I have become latest flavor of change. Learning things by coming out of my comfort zone is tough as well as fun too. Pune is beautiful city with nice weather but i miss my Delhi very very much.
I now realized practically that To live without mom, dad, brother, family, friends & your home is not easy.

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Stay Self Motivated always in Stressful Times

“Fall seven times, stand up eight!”

Just a few things to think about when life delivers a dose of difficulty and stress…

1. Happiness is never constant, and it’s not supposed to be. – You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.  To believe that you can reach a state of happiness and stay there forever, is like the tide believing she can reach for the shoreline and remain there forever; or like a fruit tree believing that if she only holds on tighter, she can keep her fruit from dropping to the ground.  Happiness is simply a series of moments that come and go and add sweetness to our lives.  Learn to accept this, and the more happy moments you will have.  
2. Failures are temporary situations that teach us necessary lessons. – Life’s best lessons are usually learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes.  So yes, you will fail sometimes.  The faster you accept this, the faster you can get on with being brilliant. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.  Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  So get out there and try!  Either you succeed or you learn a vital lesson.  Win – Win.
3. Even if you can’t see it now, you are making progress. – You may not be where you want to be yet, but if you think about it, you’re no longer where you once were either.  You have good reason to believe that you can trust yourself going forward.  Not because you’ve always made the right choices, but because you survived the bad ones, and taken small steps in the right direction.  So cry for a moment if you have to, and get it out of your system.  Crying doesn’t indicate that you’re weak; since birth, it has always been a sign that you’re alive and full of potential.  Once you’re done, keep going!  You’re undoubtedly getting closer to where you want to be.
4. How you feel when you’re stressed is not a true measure of reality. – Just because you’re afraid, doesn’t mean you’re in danger.  Just because you feel alone, doesn’t mean nobody loves you.  Just because youthink you might fail, doesn’t mean you will.  Look beyond your doubts and keep searching for the truth.  Be aware of your mental self-talk.  We all talk silently to ourselves in our heads, but we aren’t always conscious of what we’re saying or how it’s affecting us.  The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful.  Listen to your self-talk and replace negative thoughts with positive ones.  The sun is always shining on some part of your life.  Sometimes you just have to forget how you feel, remember what you deserve, and keep pushing forward.
5. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. – You can learn great things from your failures and mistakes when you aren’t busy denying them.  If you’ve been asking the same questions for months or even years, yet are still stuck, it’s probably not that you haven’t been given the answers, but that you don’t like the answers you were given.  It takes a lot of courage to admit that something needs to change, and a lot more courage still, to accept the responsibility for actually changing it.  The most important step forward is taking the first step.  The simple act of getting started and doing something will give you the momentum you need, and soon you’ll find yourself in a positive spiral of positive changes – one building on the other.
6. You are not what happened to you in the past. – No matter how chaotic the past has been, the future is a clean, fresh, wide open slate. You are not your past habits. You are not your past failures. You are not how others have at one time treated you. You are only who you think you are right now in this moment. You are only what you do right now in this moment. 
7. Not getting what you want can be a blessing. – Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of good luck, because it forces you reevaluate things, opening new doors to opportunities and information you would have otherwise overlooked.  Remember, some things in life fall apart so that better things can fall together.
8. Being a ‘work in progress’ is a great state to be in. – Stop berating yourself for being a work in progress.  Start embracing it!  Because being a work in progress doesn’t mean you’re not good enough today; it means you want a better tomorrow, and you wish to love yourself completely, so you can live your life fully.  It means you’re determined to heal your heart, expand your mind and cultivate the gifts you know you’re meant to share.  May we all be works in progress forever, and celebrate the fact that we are!
9. Nobody else can do it for you. – Keep doing what you know in your heart is right for YOU.  Let your dreams be bigger than your fears and your actions louder than your words.  Live by choice, not by chance.  Make changes, not excuses.  Be motivated, not manipulated.  Work to excel, not compete.  Choose to listen to your inner voice, not the jumbled opinions of everyone else.  It’s your road, and yours alone.  Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.
10. Life is not easy, but it’s worth it. – If you expect it to be, you will perpetually disappoint yourself.  Achieving anything worthwhile in life takes effort.  So start every morning ready to run farther than you did yesterday and fight harder than you ever have before.  Above all, make sure you properly align your efforts with your goals.  It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it in the end.

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Relationship Truths not to Forget

It’s easy to make your relationships more complicated than they are.  Here are twelve simple reminders to help you keep them on course.

1. All successful relationships require some work. – They don’t just happen, or maintain themselves.  They exist and thrive when the parties involved take the risk of sharing what it is that’s going on in their minds and hearts.  Open communication and honesty is the key. 
2. Most of the time you get what you put in. – If you want love, give love.  If you want friends, be friendly.  If you’d like to feel understood, try being more understanding.  It’s a simple practice that works.
3. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot in someone’s life. – Never force someone to make a space in their life for you, because if they know your worth, they will create one for you.
4. There is a purpose for everyone you meet. – Some people will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you; but most importantly some will bring out the best in you.  Learn to see and accept the differences between these people, and carry on accordingly.
5. We all change, and that’s okay. – Our needs change with time.  When someone says, “You’ve changed,” it’s not always a bad thing.  Sometimes itjust means you stopped living your life their way.  Don’t apologize for it.  Instead, be open and sincere, explain how you feel, and keep doing what you know in your heart is right.
6. You are in full control of your own happiness. – If your relationship with yourself isn’t working, don’t expect your other relationships to be any different.  Nobody else in this world can make you happy.  It’s something you have to do on your own.  And you have to create your own happiness first before you can share it with someone else.  If you feel that it’s your partner’s fault, think again, and look within yourself to find out what piece is missing.  Your partner can never ‘complete’ you because you are already whole.  The longing for completion that you feel inside comes from being out of touch with who you are. 
7. Forgiving others helps YOU. – Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the answer.  It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.
8. You can’t change people; they can only change themselves. – Instead of trying to change others, give them your support and lead by example.  If there’s a specific behavior someone you love has that you’re hoping disappears over time, it probably won’t.  If you really need them to change something, be honest and put all the cards on the table so this person knows what you need them to do.
9. Heated arguments are a waste of time. – The less time you spend arguing with the people who hurt you, the more time you’ll have to love the people who love you.  And if you happen to find yourself arguing with someone you love, don’t let your anger get the best of you.  Give yourself some time to calm down and then gently discuss the situation. 
10. You are better off without some people. – When you have to start compromising yourself and your morals for the people around you, it’s probably time to change the people around you. If someone continuously mistreats you or pushes you in the wrong direction, have enough respect for yourself to walk away from them. It may hurt for a little while, but it’ll be ok. You’ll be ok, and far better off in the long run.
11. Small gestures of kindness go a long way. – Honor your important relationships in some way every chance you get.  Every day you have the opportunity to make your relationship sweeter and deeper by making small gestures to show your appreciation and affection.  Remember, making one person smile can change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  Your kindness and gratitude matters.
12. Even the best relationships don’t last forever. – People don’t live forever.  Appreciate what you have, who loves you and who cares for you.  You’ll never know how much they mean to you until the day they are no longer beside you.  And remember, just because something doesn’t last forever, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth your while

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I CAN is 100 times more important than IQ

 If you’re smiling right now, you’re doing something right. Love yourself first and everything falls into line.
 Never loose hope, faith or dream in life. Say I CANand follow your heart. Don`t compromise and always remember Cheaters can cheat and steal but the can never take away what is destined for you.
 Follow these rules which I have learnt from my personal experience. Maybe It can help you too

1. It’s not so much what you say that counts, it’ how you make people feel.
2. The biggest mistake you can make is doing nothing because you’re scared to make a mistake.
3. No matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be.  Either you succeed or you learn something.  Win-Win.
4. Freedom is the greatest gift.  Self-sufficiency is the greatest freedom.
5. If you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it, don’t stop.  You’re on to something big.  Because hard work ain’t hard when you concentrate on your passions.
6. It’s not about getting a chance, it’s about taking a chance.  You’ll rarely be 100% sure it will work.  But you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.  Sometimes you just have to go for it!
7. Complaining is like slapping yourself for slapping yourself.  It doesn’t solve the problem, it just hurts you more.
8. The one with nothing to hide is always the one left standing tall.
9. You can press forward long after you can’t.  It’s just a matter of wanting it bad enough.
10. There’s a big difference between knowing and doing.  Knowledge is basically useless without action.
11. In work and business, when they need you more than you need them, you have succeeded.
12. Everything that happens in life is neither good nor bad.  It just depends on your perspective.
13. We are all weird.  And life is weird.  And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we call it love.
14. True friendship and true love do sustain the tests of distance and time.
15. You can’t change who you are.  You can only change what you know and how you apply this knowledge.
16. It is okay to be angry.  It is never okay to be cruel.
17. Even when you feel like you have nothing, someone else likely has far less.  Find them and help them.  You’ll see why.
18. Having a thousand credentials on the wall will not make you a decent human being.  But genuinely helping one person everyday will.
19. Remember, change happens for a reason.  Roll with it.  It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

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