Sacrifice

The following story is not a part of Fiction. It's a real story taken from Real Life Love stories.....Please feel free to share it...

There was once this guy who is very much in love with his girl. This romantic guy folded 1,000 pieces of paper cranes as a gift to his girl.

Although, at that time he was just a small fry in his company, his future didn't seem too bright, they were very happy together. Until one day, his girl told him she was going to Paris and will never come back. She also told him that she cannot visualize any future for the both of them, so they went their own ways there and then...

Heartbroken, the guy agreed. But when he regained his confidence, he worked hard day and night, slogging his body and mind just to make something out of himself.

Finally with all the hard work and the help of friends, this guy had set up his own company ..

You never fail until you stop trying. One rainy day, while this guy was driving, he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrella in the rain walk ing to some destination. Even with the umbrella, they were still drenched. It didn't take him long to realize they were his girl's parents.

With a heart in getting back at them, he drove slowly beside the couple, wanting them to spot him in his luxury sedan. He wanted them to know that he wasn't the same any more; he had his own company, car,condo, etc. He made it! What he saw next confused him, the couple was
walking towards a cemetery, and so he got out of his car and followed...and he saw his girl, a photograph of her smiling sweetly as ever at him from her tombstone and he saw his paper cranes right beside her...

Her parents saw him. He asked them why this had happened. They explained, she did not leave for France at all. She was ill with cancer. She had believed that he will make it someday, but she did not want to be his obstacle... therefore she had chosen to leave him.
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. She had wanted her parents to put his paper cranes beside her, because, if the day comes when fate brings him to her again...he can take some of those back with him...

Once you have loved, you will always love. For what's in your mind may escape but what's in your heart will remain forever.

The guy just wept...The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside her knowing you can't have her, see her or be with her ever again.........hope you understand.

Find time to realize that there is one person who means so much to you, for you might wake up one morning losing that person who you thought meant nothing to you

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Understanding Myself

What do i actually want has become the biggest question of my life which
I am facing these days.

"samajh samajh kai jo naa samjhe meri samajh mai wo nasamajh hai"

I am proving the phrase by doing the same mistake again & again & again.

People come & go after leaving their strong impression in life.
Attachment happens easily but detachment.. uff! It is the real scary thing
i always fear of.

Missing some one & holding onto the memories for so long is quite obvious.
You get habitual of talking to some1, seeing them, meeting them or going out
with them and one day you make an decision to separate..

But its not as simple as that.

But as they say time heals everything and everything happens for the reason.
I am hoping to get out of my old memories (all bad ones) and focus on myself now.

But hey wait.. this is what i am not clear about in this present state of mind.

I am having so much of expectations from myself only and I am the only one who
is not able to fulfill any.

I guess i need to understand myself by trying different things.
God knows where i will stick now and get addicted again..

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Men are from MARS & Women are from VENUS

Punch Line : Boy seeks Physical & Social Needs but Girl seeks Emotional & Financial Needs


Are you thinking about giving up?


You've probably tried everything you can think of to revitalize your love, right?
You probably have. But here's a few other ideas you may want to consider & try.


Remember you have things in common, some parts of your personality are similar to theirs.
Engage in conversation about anything deeper than the normal, superficial
"how are you?" The typical response to that is "fine."
Let your spouse know that you are genuinely interested in them and their thoughts and feelings.

Do things together that you used to like doing, like watching your favorite serial,
taking evening walks, working outside, going to the park, or eating out.
The bottom line is: you can be in love with someone, but you're marriage is only going to last
if you remember all the reasons why you actually like that person.

If you think they have changed and you realize that you don't like your spouse,
take time to examine their lives, hearts, character, and opinions.
Chances are, you'll be able to create a long list of things that you like about your spouse.
And that will help you re-connect.

Realize that the one thing you want from your spouse may be different than
the one thing they want most from you. For example, it is common knowledge that
men crave the respect of their wives more than anything else,
and that women desperately need to know that their husbands love them.
If either of these is thrown into doubt, even for an instant, it can wreak havoc on the person's state of mind,
and will cause a gap in your marriage.

Your husband needs to know that you respect him. He believes that if he feels respected by you,
then he automatically feels loved. Feeling respect is the gateway to how men perceive love.

Wives, on the other hand, desperately need to be convinced of their husband's love.
If they doubt that fact, they will be confused, anxious, over-analyzing, suspicious, and ultimately devastated.
Women tend to personalize and internalize everything, so if the woman doesn't feel loved,
she'll assume that her husband must not love her and that she is somehow the source of the problem.
When a woman feels loved by her husband, she automatically feels respected.
There's no question about it for her, because everything else easily falls into place as soon as she feels secure in her husband's love.

So now you realize that men & women want and need different things from each other.
Take action! Find out how your husband most wants to know & feel respected, then do it!
For example, if you merely say, "Honey, I really respect you," and your husband still doesn't
really feel respected, what did you do wrong? Perhaps you simply missed his pressure points.
Perhaps what he really needs is for you to let him make a decision in front of your or his friends.
Or trust him to take care of something and not nag him about it. Perhaps he wants more respectful
"actions" from you, rather than just words. Find out which he responds to best!

All you husbands out there! Does your wife ask you all the time, "do you really love me?"
Or some version? Or do you see the question in her eyes, always nagging at her?
Why can't she quit worrying if you love her or not? Of course you love her;
you married her and you provide for her!

But your wife may simply need you to show her or tell her that you love her in a different way.
Instead of words, maybe she really loves it when you hug her and touch her face.
Or maybe she really feels your love when you do something around the house without having to be asked.
Explore the different ways that your wife wants to feel & hear your love. You won't be disappointed!

Pursue your spouse. This means not waiting for them to make the first move to apologize after a squabble.
This means going that extra mile to do something nice for them, like filling their gas tank,
without any thought of acknowledgment or gratitude. Remember when you were dating and you did all those sweet
and wonderful things for each other? You made her handmade things, you bought him stuff,
you went fun places just to be alone? What happened? What made you think that she stopped liking those things?
Why do you think that he no longer wants to go to all those fun places?

Do nice things for your spouse, and don't wait for them to make the first move,
even if you feel like you've been the only one trying. Sooner or later,
your spouse is going to recognize the difference in you and will begin to appreciate
all the sacrifices that you're making for them. Keep your chin up and keep going!

These ideas are only suggestions, and they are certainly not the only ideas out there on the subject.
But I think you'll find if you really get to know what your partner needs and then cater to those exact needs,
you're marriage will be revitalized, revamped, and re-romanced!
Before giving up on your marriage, give these suggestions a try.

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Marriage - The BIG Question.....?

The question - that should you propose marriage, or should you say yes to his/her proposal haunts many of you in relationships. When should you marry? What are the pre-requisites for that? Let us find out.

The first need, of course, is that both of you love each other. It should not be infatuation or plain old lust, but love. To be in love means, you like to be with that person. You enjoy his/her togetherness. You care for her/him and you can trust that person. Being in love means that you can share your deepest secrets without fear and give and expect support. Being in love means that your object of love is the most important person in your life and you would not like to leave him/her for anybody else. If any of these conditions are not met, it is not love but something else. Oh, yes, one last requirement - your heart should pound every time you talk to your loved or look at him/her.

If you are in love and if your partner reciprocates it with the same intensity then the next would be interests. What is common between both of you? If he is a liberal and you are a conservative to the core, life would be a little difficult. We are not talking in political terms, but about attitude and values. If you do not value what he/she values, your relationship will not prosper. If your values say that you must be honest at all times, and his/her values allow lies now and then, you are sure to get into a conflict after some time.

The third requirement is life goals. Are you sharing common goals? Your goal may be to earn lot of money even at the cost of family life and his/her need may be to live happily even if money is less, you will again clash. Values and goals are important. They play a bigger role in life after the initial euphoria of love is over. The last need is - are you feeling safe committing to him/her? Are you feeling safe committing or would like to search around more? Once you can decide that all these are in the right place, you should marry. Otherwise, life may be full of acrimony, dissatisfaction and regrets. It will not be a happy marriage but a marriage that has to be carried through. That will give no pleasure.


the rule of care (meet each other's most important emotional needs), the rule of protection (avoid being the cause of each other's unhappiness), the rule of time (schedule time each week to give each other undivided attention) and the rule of honesty (be totally honest with each other).

Marry the man who has everything you want, at least at the time of your marriage.

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Sharing Thoughts

I t's just so funny. People who do trust must think that we are crazy. But I can honestly say that I trust no one - and I HATE this feeling. I am so scared to trust anyone, that I just can't bring my walls down.

I have put my trust in some of the WORST people on earth, and have my heart handed back, not only shredded, ripped, barbecued but skewered and served back to me.

Even though, every time I have let my guard down , I still think that if I had ONE wish - if God could hear just ONE wish from me -- please allow me to have one person that I can talk to, that I can trust - that wants nothing in return. The kind of person who you can call at 3am with no worries, can show up and talk to at anytime, the kind that smiles when you come to see them.

I know that this isn't going to happen - and I know that if anyone could have one wish from God, it should be to stop all wars, end homelessness, feed the poor, have world peace.There is a good saying by Abraham Lincoln as it says "

If you once forfeit the confidence of your fellow citizens, you can never regain their respect and esteem. It is true that you may fool all of the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all of the time; but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.

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Journey...

I have started my journey of 2009 by joinning gym though, i m more inclined towards yoga.
I have also started reading book "Monk who sold his Ferrari " apart from my curriculum.

Actually this year i gonna b little selfish by concentrating on myself only.
I want to b i n shape.. complete my studies.. upgrade my skill.. grow professionally & emotionally and etc etc etc..

& most surprisingly till now its going on track.. lets c 4 how long ?

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Self Realisation

Long-Long ago i started writting blog but since last few posts i just copy-pasted some selected articles & today after reading my old posts i realised that i didn`t do a justice to my blog.

I shouldn`t have misused my copy rights for selling an external source of information.
So along with my two new year resolutions ( One is to complete my studies at any cost by the end of this year & Second is to work on my looks, hairs & body ... aah!!) i m going to take it damn seriously coz of numerous stupid reasons lyk i just love to best utilise my office resources to enhance my creativiy.. geeks.... lolz!

On a serious note.. i need to vomit out all d frustrations & vows which was kept on getting concentrated last year.

I experienced the peaks & d lows just lyk sensex in 2008
but as said 2009 is a year of change i gotta find some sense of direction & meaning

I dont want to waste myself anymore & above all i dont want 2 cry & yell & feel lyk hell.

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Financial Meltdown :- The Story of the Bubble that Burst

Once there was a little island country. The land of this country was the tiny island itself. The total money in circulation was 2 dollar as there were only two pieces of 1 dollar coins circulating around.

1) There were 3 citizens living on this island country. A owned the land. B and C each owned 1 dollar.

2) B decided to purchase the land from A for 1 dollar. So, A and C now each own 1 dollar while B owned a piece of land that is worth 1 dollar.

3) C thought that since there is only one piece of land in the country and land is non produceable asset, its value must definitely go up. So, he borrowed 1 dollar from A and together with his own 1 dollar, he bought the land from B for 2 dollar.

A has a loan to C of 1 dollar, so his net asset is 1 dollar.

B sold his land and got 2 dollar, so his net asset is 2 dollar.

C owned the piece of land worth 2 dollar but with his 1 dollar debt to A, his net asset is 1 dollar.

The net asset of the country = 4 dollar.

4) A saw that the land he once owned has risen in value. He regretted selling it. Luckily, he has a 1 dollar loan to C. He then borrowed 2 dollar from B and and acquired the land back from C for 3 dollar. The payment is by 2 dollar cash (which he borrowed) and cancellation of the 1 dollar loan to C.

As a result, A now owned a piece of land that is worth 3 dollar. But since he owed B 2 dollar, his net asset is 1 dollar.

B loaned 2 dollar to A. So his net asset is 2 dollar.

C now has the 2 coins. His net asset is also 2 dollar.

The net asset of the country = 5 dollar. A bubble is building up.

(5) B saw that the value of land kept rising. He also wanted to own the land. So he bought the land from A for 4 dollar. The payment is by borrowing 2 dollar from C and cancellation of his 2 dollar loan to A.

As a result, A has got his debt cleared and he got the 2 coins. His net asset is 2 dollar.

B owned a piece of land that is worth 4 dollar but since he has a debt of 2 dollar with C, his net Asset is 2 dollar.

C loaned 2 dollar to B, so his net asset is 2 dollar.

The net asset of the country = 6 dollar. Even though, the country has only one piece of land and 2 Dollar in circulation.

(6) Everybody has made money and everybody felt happy and prosperous.

(7) One day an evil wind blowed. An evil thought came to C’s mind. “Hey, what if the land price stop going up, how could B repay my loan. There is only 2 dollar in circulation, I think after all the land that B owns is worth at most 1 dollar only.” A also thought the same.

(8) Nobody wanted to buy land anymore. In the end, A owns the 2 dollar coins, his net asset is 2 dollar. B owed C 2 dollar and the land he owned which he thought worth 4 dollar is now 1 dollar. His net asset become -1 dollar.

C has a loan of 2 dollar to B. But it is a bad debt. Although his net asset is still 2 dollar, his Heart is palpitating.

The net asset of the country = 3 dollar again.

Who has stolen the 3 dollar from the country ?

Of course, before the bubble burst B thought his land worth 4 dollar. Actually, right before the collapse, the net asset of the country was 6 dollar in paper. his net asset is still 2 dollar, his heart is palpitating.
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The net asset of the country = 3 dollar again.

(9) B had no choice but to declare bankruptcy. C as to relinquish his 2 dollar bad debt to B but in return he acquired the land which is worth 1 dollar now.

A owns the 2 coins, his net asset is 2 dollar. B is bankrupt, his net asset is 0 dollar. (B lost everything) C got no choice but end up with a land worth only 1 dollar (C lost one dollar) The net asset of the country = 3 dollar.

There is however a redistribution of wealth.

A is the winner, B is the loser, C is lucky that he is spared.

A few points worth noting -

(1) When a bu bb le is building up, the debt of individual in a country to one another is also building up.

(2) This story of the island is a close system whereby there is no other country and hence no foreign debt. The worth of the asset can only be calculated using the island’s own currency. Hence, there is no net loss.

(3) An overdamped system is assumed when the bubble burst, meaning the land’s value did not go down to below 1 dollar.

(4) When the bubble burst, the fellow with cash is the winner. The fellows having the land or extending loan to others are the loser. The asset could shrink or in worst case, they go bankrupt.

(5) If there is another citizen D either holding a dollar or another piece of land but refrain to take part in the game. At the end of the day, he will neither win nor lose. But he will see the value of his money or land go up and down like a see saw..

(6) When the bubble was in the growing phase, everybody made money..

(7) If you are smart and know that you are living in a growing bubble, it is worthwhile to borrow money (like A ) and take part in the game. But you must know when you should change everything back to cash.

(8) Instead of land, the above applies to stocks as well.

(9) The actual worth of land or stocks depend largely on psychology.

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The Power of Three Little Words

Some of the most significant messages people deliver to one another often come in just three words. When spoken or conveyed, those statements have the power to forge new friendships, deepen old ones and restore relationships that have cooled. The following three-word phrases can enrich every relationship.

I'LL BE THERE - Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we are truly present for other people, important things happen to them and to us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored emotionally and spiritually. 'Being there' is at the very very core of civility.

I MISS YOU - Perhaps more marriages could be salvaged and strengthened if couples simply and sincerely said to each other, "I miss you." This powerful affirmation tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired and loved.

I RESPECT YOU - Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the feeling that
another person is a true equal. It is a powerful way to affirm the importance of a relationship.

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT - This phrase is highly effective in diffusing an argument and restoring
frayed emotions. The flip side of "maybe you're right" is the humility of admitting "maybe I'm wrong."

PLEASE FORGIVE ME - Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults, foibles and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.

I THANK YOU - Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the companionship of good, close friends are those who don't take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.

COUNT ON ME - "A friend is one who walks in when others walk out," Loyalty is an essential ingredient for true friendship; it is the emotional glue that bonds people. Those who are rich in their relationships tend to be steady and true friends. When troubles come, a good friend is there, indicating "you can count on me."


LET ME HELP - The best of friends see a need and try to fill it. When they spot a hurt they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they pitch in and help.

I UNDERSTAND YOU - People become closer and enjoy each other more if they feel the other person accepts and understands them. Letting others know in so many little ways that you understand him or her is one of the most powerful tools for healing your relationship.

GO FOR IT - Some of your friends may be non conformists, have unique projects and unusual hobbies. Support them in pursuing their interests. Rather than urging your loved ones to conform, encourage their uniqueness-everyone has dreams that no one else has.

I suppose the 3 little words that you were expecting to see have to be reserved for those who are special; that is I LOVE YOU.

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Passive Aggressive

I know a couple people like this (and if you are reading this,
it's not you). It is my hot button. When someone behaves like this,
I just want to choke the life out of them.
Instead of going to jail, I choose not to be around people like this. :-)

Passive Aggressive (adj.) Of, relating to, or having a personality disorder
characterized by habitual passive resistance to demands for adequate
performance in occupational or social situations,
as by procrastination, stubbornness, sullenness, and inefficiency.

Covert (adj.) Not openly shown, engaged in,
or avowed : VEILED
Passive Aggressive Behavior Defined:

Passive Aggressive behavior is a form of covert abuse1.
When someone hits you or yells at you, you know that you've been abused.
It is obvious and easily identified. Covert abuse is subtle and
veiled or disguised by actions that appear to be normal,
at times loving and caring.
The passive aggressive person is a master at covert abuse.

Passive aggressive behavior stems from an inability to express anger
in a healthy way. A person's feelings may be so repressed that they
don't even realize they are angry or feeling resentment.
A passive aggressive can drive people around him/her crazy
and seem sincerely dismayed when confronted with their behavior.
Due to their own lack of insight into their feelings the
passive aggressive often feels that others misunderstand them or,
are holding them to unreasonable standards if they are confronted
about their behavior.

Common Passive Aggressive Behaviors:

* Ambiguity: I think of the proverb, "Actions speak louder than words"
when it comes to the passive aggressive and how ambiguous they can be.
They rarely mean what they say or say what they mean.
The best judge of how a passive aggressive feels about an issue is how they act.
Normally they don't act until after they've caused some kind of stress by
their ambiguous way of communicating.

* Forgetfulness: The passive aggressive avoids responsibility by "forgetting."
How convenient is that? There is no easier way to punish someone than forgetting
that lunch date or your birthday or, better yet, an anniversary.

* Blaming: They are never responsible for their actions.
If you aren't to blame then it is something that happened at work,
the traffic on the way home or the slow clerk at the convenience store.
The passive aggressive has no faults, it is everyone around him/her who has
faults and they must be punished for those faults.

* Lack of Anger: He/she may never express anger. There are some who are
happy with whatever you want. On the outside anyway! The passive aggressive
may have been taught, as a child, that anger is unacceptable.
Hence they go through life stuffing their anger, being accommodating and
then sticking it to you in an under-handed way.

* Fear of Dependency: From Scott Wetlzer, author of Living With The
Passive Aggressive Man. "Unsure of his autonomy and afraid of being alone,
he fights his dependency needs, usually by trying to control you.
He wants you to think he doesn't depend on you,
but he binds himself closer than he cares to admit.
Relationships can become battle grounds, where he can only claim victory
if he denies his need for your support."

* Fear of Intimacy: The passive aggressive often can't trust.
Because of this, they guard themselves against becoming intimately attached
to someone. A passive aggressive will have sex with you but they rarely make
love to you. If they feel themselves becoming attached, they may punish you
by withholding sex.

* Obstructionism: Do you want something from your passive aggressive spouse?
If so, get ready to wait for it or maybe even never get it.
It is important to him/her that you don,t get your way.
He/she will act as if giving you what you want is important to them but,
rarely will he/she follow through with giving it.
It is very confusing to have someone appear to want to give to you but
never follow through. You can begin to feel as if you are asking too much
which is exactly what he/she wants to you to feel.

* Victimization: The passive aggressive feels they are treated unfairly.
If you get upset because he or she is constantly late, they take offense because;
in their mind, it was someone else's fault that they were late.
He/she is always the innocent victim of your unreasonable expectations,
an over-bearing boss or that slow clerk at the convenience store.

* Procrastination: The passive aggressive person believes that deadlines are
for everyone but them. They do things on their own time schedule and be damned
anyone who expects differently from them.


The Passive Aggressive and You:

The passive aggressive needs to have a relationship with someone who can be
the object of his or her hostility. They need someone whose expectations and
demands he/she can resist. A passive aggressive is usually attracted to
co-dependents, people with low self-esteem and those who find it easy to make
excuses for other's bad behaviors.

The biggest frustration in being with a passive aggressive is that they
never follow through on agreements and promises. He/she will dodge responsibility
for anything in the relationship while at the same time making it look as
if he/she is pulling his/her own weight and is a very loving partner.
The sad thing is, you can be made to believe that you are loved and adored by
a person who is completely unable to form an emotional connection with anyone.

The passive aggressive ignores problems in the relationship, sees things
through their own skewed sense of reality and if forced to deal with the
problems will completely withdraw from the relationship and you.
They will deny evidence of wrong doing, distort what you know to be real to
fit their own agenda, minimize or lie so that their version of what is real
seems more logical.

The passive aggressive will say one thing, do another, and then deny ever saying the first thing. They don't communicate their needs and wishes in a clear manner, expecting their spouse to read their mind and meet their needs. After all, if their spouse truly loved them he/she would just naturally know what they needed or wanted. The passive aggressive withholds information about how he/she feels, their ego is fragile and can't take the slightest criticism so why let you know what they are thinking or feeling? God forbid they disclose that information and you criticize them.

Confronting the Passive Aggressive:

Beware, if you confront the passive aggressive he/she will most likely sulk, give you the silent treatment or completely walk away leaving you standing there to deal with the problem alone. There are two reasons for confronting the passive aggressive. One, if done correctly you may be able to help him/her gain insight into the negative consequences of their behaviors. Two, even if that doesn't happen, it will at least give you the opportunity to talk to him/her in a frank way about how his/her behavior affects you. If nothing else you can get a few things "off your chest." Below are some ways you might approach your passive aggressive:

* Make your feelings the subject of the conversation and not his/her
bad behaviors.

* Don't attack his/her character.

* Make sure you have privacy.

* Confront him/her about one behavior at a time,
don't bring up everything at once.

* If he/she needs to retreat from the conversation allow them to do
it with dignity.

* Have a time limit, confrontation should not stretch on indefinitely.

* If he/she tries to turn the table on you, do not defend your need
to have an adult conversation about your feelings.

* Be sure he/she understands that you care about what happens to them,
that you love them and that you are not trying to control them.
You are only trying to get to the bottom of your disagreements
and make the relationship better.


Inside the Passive Aggressive:

The passive aggressive has a real desire to connect with you emotionally
but their fear of such a connection causes them to be obstructive and
engage in self-destructive habits.
He/she will be covert in their actions and it will only move him/her further
from his/her desired relationship with you.

The passive aggressive never looks internally and examines their role in a
relationship problem. They have to externalize it and blame others for
having shortcomings. To accept that he/she has flaws would be tantamount to
emotional self-destruction. They live in denial of their self-destructive
behaviors, the consequences of those behaviors and the choices they make
that cause others so much pain.

The passive aggressive objectifies the object of their desire. You are to be
used as a means to an end. Your only value is to feed his/her own emotional needs.

You are not seen as a person with feelings and needs but as an extension of
him/her. They care for you the way they care for a favorite chair.
You are there for their comfort and pleasure and are of use as long as you
fill their needs.

The passive aggressive wants the attention and attachment that comes
with loving someone but fears losing his/her independence and sense of self
to his/her spouse. They want love and attention but avoid it out of fear
of it destroying them. You have to be kept at arms length and if there is
an emotional attachment it is tenuous at best.

The only hope for change in the way they deal with relationship issues
is if they are able to acknowledge their shortcomings and contributions
to the marital problems. Facing childhood wounds, looking internally
instead of externally to find the cause of problems in their life will
help them form deeper emotional attachments with a higher sense of emotional
safety.

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Feeling Lost

I have been feeling pretty lost lately.
I do this when I need to turn off my feelings,
but usually they catch up with me pretty quick.

I've been having lots of problems in my life and it's been hard.
I really don't want anythg...
so turning off my feelings is the only way to make it through.
I am really trying not to argue in front of anyone,
and I try really hard not to cry in front of anyone too.
If I do cry, I tell that "It's okay to cry when you're sad
& I'm glad I have you to hug me." and then I smile.

I am more and more convinced though that
I deserve this life only. However, I don't think there is any other life for me.

There is one thing that I will stick to that "Nothing is for forever"
And, for right now, that's enough.
I have to find a way to be content with that.

I don't need to be happy. :-)
I don't think anyone does, to be honest.
Human are confusing, needy creatures.
It's their job to look out only for themselves.

I wish that at the end of the day, I could get a grade from someone on how
I spent that day. A+, B-, big fat F...whatever it would be.
At least then I would know.

I haven't really even been looking at my hair lately.
I just don't...have the energy to deal with it right now.
I really don't. I wish I could stop eating nails and just
let them grow in. They don't look horrible but I MISS my long ones.
Maybe I can make that my goal...no eating nails this week.

I'm just going through a phase right now where
I'm seriously doubting my abilities,
and I'm scared all over again that I won't be at peace.
A normal feeling for some people maybe,
but for me it's downright scary.
I just try to tell myself that God will give me the strength that I need,
that I shouldn't be afraid.
I have to just take this day by day.

I am ready to concentrate on myself again a little bit.
I gave away everything I have, and I will always do this,
but eventually Its time to start finding ME again.

What is hard is knowing that it's time for me to experience
some separation. But at the same time, I break down in tears
remembering my golden days, wishing that I could experience
it just one more time.
All my mistakes replay themselves over and over again
in my mind. It's like they won't let go.

I think I need to start focusing on more positive things.
Everything in my head seems to be negative right now.
I don't think those negative thoughts will get me very far.

But then again, sometimes I just don't know what to think.
I just pray that somehow God knows what He's doing with me.

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When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

When tomorrow starts without me, and I'm not there to see,

If the sun should rise and find your eyes,
all filled with tears for me,

I wish so much you wouldn't cry, the way you did today,

While thinking of the many things we didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me, as much as I love you,

And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand,

That an angel came and called my name and
took me by the hand.

And said my place was ready in Heaven far above,

And that I'd have to leave behind, all those
things I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye,

For all my life, I'd always thought, I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for, so much yet to do,

It seemed almost impossible, that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad,

I thought of all the love we shared, and all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday, just even for a while,

I'd say goodbye and kiss you, and maybe
see you smile.

But then I fully realized, that could never be,

For emptiness and memories, would take
the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things, I might
miss come tomorrow,

I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was
filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through Heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.

When God looked down and smiled at me,
from his great golden throne.

He said, "This is eternity, and all I've
promised you.

Today your life on Earth is past, and
here it starts anew".

"I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last,

And since each day's the same day, there's
no longing for the past".

"But you have been so faithful, so trusting and so true,

Though there were times you did some things,
you know you shouldn't do".

"But you have been forgiven, and now at
last you're free,

So won't you take my hand now and share
My life with Me".

So when tomorrow starts without me, don't
think we're far apart,

For every time you think of me, I'm right here
in your heart.

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